OLD CHRISTMAS LETTER

GENERIC NEWS LETTER OF CARL GRUPP 1999 Well here we are again. I suppose the biggest change in my life this past year, has been my finding a stray young cat living in my garage. It would go in and out a broken window. This was early last spring, and it was quite cold out. One day I felt sorry for it and decided to give it some food. As far as I knew all cats ate were saucers of milk and fish. I had neither, but had some old gooey ice cream in the back of my freezer, so I put some in a dish and brought it out to the garage. The cat would hide in a pile of lumber, which I had slowly collected, whenever I came near it would peek out at me.
I should preface this with informing you that, I am a dog person who has measured out my life in Black Labradors, and have never had much time for cats. Just as when I was a child, we fell into two camps, Gene Autry or Roy Rogers. I was a Gene Autry devotee. Later on we fell into two camps Ford or Chevy, I believed the Chevy to be far superior. I have always felt a little bit of disdain and superiority over cat lovers. I called Carol and told her that I was attempting to make friends with this stray cat in my garage and informed her about the glob of ice cream. She told me that cats were carnivores and liked meat. I said Oh K. She then asked me what I had named this creature. I had not thought this far but blurted out FIDO. Carol said you couldn’t name a cat fido. I quickly replied “yes I can, Fido is his name. She then asked me if it was a boy or a girl, I replied I don’t know. Since it’s a cat she rebounded, you have to spell it Phydo. I said well it’s a Cajun cat. In that case Carol said you have to spell it Phydeaux. I hung up the phone and ran to the grocery store for some cat food a part of the store I had never ventured into before, and bought a small plastic container of soft and moist chicken and liver flavor, which seemed to appeal to me. I drove back home and poured some on top of the ice cream goo. And sat back and watched Phydo feast. This went on this way for several weeks.
I added a cardboard box with a blanket in it so she would be warmer in the garage as it was still quite cold out. Well I found this miserable creature occupying more of my thoughts and would always fill the bowl with food and check to see if I would see her. Then I made my first major mistake. I was sitting on my deck enjoying a cup of coffee and a smoke and had left the side garage door open. She came out and over to me and wanted me to hold her. Which I did. Then came a major mistake. I said do you want to see where I live, and gave her a tour of my home not unlike a realtor. She walked behind me eyeballing everything. If she could have spoke in a voice that I could understand she was asking about the copper plumbing and how old the wiring was and could she sharpen her claws on that leather chair. After the tour we returned to the deck and her to the garage. I jumped in the car returned to that mysterious place in the store in search of a litter box and litter. When I returned home she was waiting for me on the deck and followed me into the house as I set up the litter box by the stove in the kitchen. She knew it was for her, and had probably been saving up as she immediately took a dump in it. She stayed in the house that night and ever since.
I have had her fixed and spent a small fortune on inoculating her against every known cat disease. I found out from the vet, she is a she. This all doesn’t sound too bad, and it wasn’t at first. Times were happy, it was summer and warm and I would leave the door open for her to run in and out and play. An old friend was over and we were listening to music and talking when suddenly I became aware of quite a ruckus in my kitchen. I got up to look and there was Phydo disemboweling a bird in the middle of the room. The bird was still alive yet was being ripped to shreds, and the air was thick with feathers, I managed to chase Phydo through the house and out the back door leaving behind a trail of fine floating down. It was horrible. This was not a sparrow either; No it was a Morning Dove, which I love. I should tell you that I have spent years planting plants that will attract birds, Supplied them with a heated water dish in the winter time and have bird houses and bird feeding stations all over my small back yard. And then introduced a cat into this haven. Word has gotten out and now my place is barren of my feathered friends. I never had Phydo declawed and the back of the leather chair I now sit at to type this is a testament to their razor like sharpness. I’m glad it is winter and the windows are closed as in the summertime, My neighbors could hear me screaming “ Come here you little Shit.” Or Get out of there you little shit. Or Get off that you devious little shit. Phydo thinks that I have changed her name to lil shit as that better suits her. I am learning patience and feel I must be doing some kind of weird penance for some character flaw in my relationship with this obstreperous beast. I don’t have it in my heart to banish her back to the garage, yet I struggle with her feline ways. Please pray for me, that I may find peace with this nasty varmint and please remind me that she is one of God’s creatures. If I appear to be a little stressed on my Happy New Year cards, It has something to do with her ceaseless annoying meowing that occurs when I am sleeping or drawing, or for that matter all sorts of inopportune times. Nevertheless I wish you and yours a very joyful and happy entrance into a new century. Love, Carl CHAPTER TWO Well that little creature wheedled her way into my heart. She was a cat that acted like a dog. I thought at times that my dog Bessie’s soul had inhabited her body. She was so much fun to watch. She just seemed to celebrate life and her own body. She always had to beat me down the stairs in the morning. She would always began by lying on a step on her back holding onto the carpet with one claw, till I would attempt to step over her, then up she would jump and run down the stairs.